


Preserving What We Have

by AshsHorrorShow



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Internalized Homophobia, Loneliness, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 00:21:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12829281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshsHorrorShow/pseuds/AshsHorrorShow
Summary: It was Midorima's fault that his feelings went so astray. He should've been happy with what he had.





	Preserving What We Have

Midorima Shintarou found himself staring at the pale expanse of Takao Kazunari’s chest as they were changing in the locker room. It was only a quick glance, but Midorima still felt disgusted with himself nonetheless, forcing his eyes back to the task at hand and definitely not on Takao. The fact that he had to try more hard at that lately was also gross to him. He shifted uncomfortably. 

He narrowed his eyes. Is this was the way it was going to be now? He couldn’t even trust himself to glance at his teammate now without turning it into a bad activity? What kind of friendship or partnership was that? 

Not a good one. 

He hated himself for letting his feelings go so far. Was he really that lonely that he was willing to become infatuated with the first person who gave him any sort of positive attention? Apparently so. 

Pathetic. 

He had done his best to ignore his feelings towards his friend for a while. Whenever a slightly more than friendly thought crawled in his mind like an insect, he would quickly push it out and try to squash it out of existence. When he found his gaze lingering a little too long on Takao’s body like just earlier, he would divert his gaze and remind himself to keep his eyes ahead. 

After all, Takao was his best friend and he should be perfectly content with that. It wasn’t fair to Takao that Midorima was objectifying him- desiring him - twisting their relationship into something it was not and it would never be. 

But he couldn’t always protect himself from his subconscious. His thoughts, seemingly upset they couldn’t take over his whole entire waking life, decided to reign wild in his dreams. He had had countless of dreams, all of them different but all of them involving Takao. Sometimes it was just the two of them hanging out like usual, talking about something or another. Sometimes, they would be doing something similar, except there was more kissing involved. Others there was kissing, and a whole lot more…

Midorima would always wake from those dreams with his stomach knotting with guilt and his heart aching. The worst part about dreams was that they didn’t just quit there. They made some part of him hopeful afterwards, like maybe they had a chance. After all, Takao had touched Midorima’s hand extra long that one day. Sometimes, he swore he saw Takao looking at him with more fondness than was normal for a friendship such as theirs. Their teammates often cracked jokes about them being ‘practically a couple.’ Maybe those jokes had some merit. Maybe if he waited until it was Cancer’s lucky day and got his lucky item to help bolster his good fortune even more and actually had the nerve to ask, maybe Takao would say yes and- 

No. He was being overly-optimistic. Pigs would fly before that would ever happen.

Whenever he found himself locked up in too much optimism, he would just remind himself crushingly that logically, a relationship between he and Takao would never work out. 

For one thing, he was pretty sure Takao was straight, if his friend’s raunchy, borderline Aomine-esque comments about various girls in their school were anything to go off of. So unless Midorima magically woke up a girl, he stood no chance anyway.

But even if one day he found out somehow that Takao was gay or bisexual, he still didn’t hold much hope. After all, Takao was… well, Takao. Kazunari was cool, handsome, witty, and funny. He seemed to always be able to get everyone in the room looking at him and gravitating towards him, like he was some sort of magnet. Takao could have any person he wanted really. So why would he settle for Midorima… who was bitter and weird and not the most eye-catching person in the world? He was extremely lucky to even be friends with him. Why push his luck?

Maybe his good fortune with having Takao as a friend was all the Fates would give him. Maybe this was the closest he was ever going to get. 

When Midorima reminded himself of this, he would feel more determined to preserve what they have. If he lost Takao as a friend because he couldn’t accept what they had, then he would surely fall apart. 

So even if it meant swallowing bitter pain every single day, he would continue to push away his longing and just enjoy being Takao’s friend.

**Author's Note:**

> Takao? Straight? Midorima, sweetie, come on. 
> 
> MidoTaka is actually my favorite ship in KnB, fun fact. I kind of wish my first fic for them was a bit happier, but eh, that is life. This is the second fic I've had that involves one-sided love and internalized homophobia. Maybe I got some angst I got to deal with this Thanksgiving and am not addressing. But I have tests soon for school so who has time to deal with that shit pffft. :'D 
> 
> All joking aside, I will hopefully write something more happy with these two, but I hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> As always, critique is wanted and have a good day!


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